It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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