Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
