I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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