just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
