the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
