Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
