I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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