I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
