"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
