Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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