I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
