so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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