Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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