I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
