She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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