Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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