So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
