all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
