I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
