So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
