pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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