Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
