He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Everything about him screamed your future.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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