if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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