mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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