Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
