p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
