but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
