I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
