For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
