I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
