why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
