I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
