hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
