jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
