I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
