You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
