So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
