bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
