there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
