Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
