yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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