saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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