she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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