I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pants are for mortals
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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