what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
