Michael Bay diarrhea
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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