hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
