seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
