I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
