shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
