i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
