Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
