we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
