I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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