Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
